Q: What the only thing wrong with Australia A: It's above sea level ---------------------------------------------------- In shock news today, Derryn Hinch was reported as having been shot, run over by a car, thrown out of a high building, and finally blown up with 3 kg of TNT. "This is obviously a job by someone with an extremely strong and deep-seated dislike of Derryn Hinch," said a police spokesman. "We are choosing our suspects with this fact in mind, and we will be talking to these people as soon as we can." Latest reports have indicated that police are seeking to interview the entire population of Australia. ---------------------------------------------------- The following story differs from the above in that it did actually happen. Three weeks ago $300,000 worth of damage was done to the ACTU's Trades Hall in Adelaide by a fire bomb thrown into an upper story window. Three days ago $5,000,000 worth of damage was done to the same building by an incendiary device thrown into the ground floor boardroom. When interviewed, ACTU local secretary Mr John Lesees muttered darkly "This is the work of someone with a grudge against the ACTU." Such an astonishing genius for the obvious is rare, nowadays. ---------------------------------------------------- Heard on '60 Minutes' 31 March: (from a National Party Senator in Queensland whose name escapes me now) The definition of recession is when your neighbour loses his job. The definition of depression is when you lose your job. The definition of recovery is when Paul Keating loses his job. ---------------------------------------------------- Paul Keating and his chauffeur were driving past a pig farm on a typical pollies' tour. Suddenly a pig ran in front of the car and was struck and killed by Keating's car. Keating told the chauffeur he had better inform the farmer that he had killed the pig. After about half an hour the chauffeur emerged from the farmstead looking quite bemused. Keating : "What took you so long?" Chauffeur : "Well I told the farmer about his pig and he shook my hand, the wife gave me a beer and cried for joy and the daughter was showering me with hugs and kisses!" Keating : "What did you say?" Chauffeur : "All I said was that I'm Paul Keating's chauffeur and I've just killed the PIG!" ----------------------------------------------------